Oh man has the struggle been real these last few months or what? HELL YES IT HAS! Living check to check in fear that I wouldn’t be able to sustain myself, exhausted at the judgement from unknowing souls who assumed I just needed to “try harder,” even going hungry because health consciousness isn’t always an option when you can’t even get out of bed because depression is your only companion. Na, it hasn’t been easy but I’m thankful to finally see the dim light at the end of this long, dark tunnel that has shocked me to the point of realization that I am as blessed as I’ve ever been.
We’re usually taught that darkness is negative and that we must seek the light to stay in faith, but in my darkest hours I’ve learned otherwise. I’ve seen the universe smile back at me, I’ve embodied the power that lied dormant within, I’ve discovered truth and ultimately found the peace I’ve been desperately after. See I thought not having the ideal job, being in school or in a relationship to validate me and give me “security” meant I was a failure. I thought it made me a disgrace because I wasn’t doing what was expected of me, but now I see that having this time to work on MY personal dreams and find the strength of my inner voice is EXACTLY what was intended. This chaos in my life isn’t coincidental, it’s synchronistic and truthfully it’s what I’ve even asking for and manifesting without even realizing it. All I ever did was complain about what I didn’t have, but my perspective was ALL fucked up. I’d been wanting to make something of myself by my own definition for the longest. I’d been begging the universe to manifest my intentions by any means necessary yet I was living a life of total opposition to my vision because I was scared to be judged, I was afraid of what people would think if I dared stray. I silenced who I truly was to be who I thought I was, I didn’t know any better. I was so deeply entrenched in the narratives that I was raised to believe in (but so vehemently disagreed with) that I couldn’t see the lie that was my existence.
Have you ever felt as though you were living your life out of body? As if you were living but not truly alive? Yea, I know, me too. Slowly but surely I’m awakening. Now that I’m seeing clearly, how could I ever return to adhering to the old paradigm? It’s impossible because I’ve seen beyond the matrix and have stared fate dead in the eye and I like it! Yes, it’s been dark, cold and scary but I am a child of the most high I know I’m protected, I know I’m divine. I know nobody has control over my life but me and as the designated live-r I choose to honor MYSELF first even if that means losing the approval of those I hold dearest, even if that means being uncomfortable for a little longer until what’s meant to play out does so for my greatest good.
Life has been chiseling me, all these occurrences are meant to turn my wounds to wisdom, turn my wisdom into abundance and turn my abundance into influence that will create long-lasting change (my dream come true) and maybe if I hadn’t gotten fired I would’ve never had the courage to step up and do it! Maybe if I hadn’t gotten fired I wouldn’t have started my blog which has been become a movement on its own and has bought me such joy. Maybe if I hadn’t gotten fired I wouldn’t be on my personal path to success. Maybe if I hadn’t gotten fired I would still be working a regular ol’ 9-5 job that didn’t fuel my passion just because the money was “good.” Oprah got fired at 23 too, I wonder if it hadn’t been for that push would she have become the icon she is now… Who knows.
My point is don’t fear the dark, don’t run away from the pain and the confusion that comes with genuine self-discovery. We’re taught that darkness is evil, but I’ve come to see that my darkness has been as essential on this journey as my light. That when I try to understand them in binaries I limit their collective strength and credibility because they work in unison, embodying the duality that is all creation to serve me. Sometimes we need to be in the dark so that we learn to value the light. If you walk through it bravely, you will witness its glory and horror until you understand that nothing about it is meant to hurt you only to help propel your destiny… So don’t be scared,
trust the universe,
trust your inner guidance,
trust your path,